I stood there scratching my head. Ok, well, not really. But I spent lots of time at this shoot pondering what I wanted. Thinking and himming and hawing {I have never in my life spelled those two words even though I say them quite often!}. How on earth do you make your plain Jane household cleaning items look cool? Him…Haw…
When I photograph kids and weddings, I don’t have the luxury of time. I don’t get to stand there and putz and think and re-do. I just have to go with my heart and my gut and my experience – and it is a thrill. But last Saturday I got the thrill of himming and hawing over how to make a cast iron pot look cool. And I loved it {I know that I am in the right profession when I think that that was fun!}
You have heard me mention simplyneutral before. Not only do I have the pleasure of being their photographer, but I am also a big believer of their products and love using them in my home. {No worries, I will not give you my pitch here again as I have done in past blogs – just so you know, I profit nothing from their sales – my thoughts are just straight from my heart.} Anyway, they are making some exciting changes to their brand! I will not give anything more away because it is top secret {I just made that up to make myself feel cool and it kind of worked}, but here is a little sneak peek for now. By the time you see these again they will look quite a bit different…
Abe has been going through a screaming phase. Can’t get his sock on? Loud scream of frustration. Sister stole his truck? Loud scream of frustration.
So today when he did another shrill frustration scream, he and I had a chat. I again told him that screaming was not ok and that he had to talk instead {which he does quite well by now}. I told him that when he gets frustrated he could make a “grrrr” noise and clench his teeth and fists to blow off some steam. I did this for him a couple of times.
Grrr. Teeth and fists clenched. Grrrr. Teeth and fists clenched. See? Easy. Frustration gone.
Then I asked him to try. He did exactly as I had just showed him with a little added pre-learned twist. Grrrr. Teeth and fists clenched. Stomp foot while saying a frustrated “dammit!” under his breath. I was so surprised that I had to turn away to conceal my laughter. {Let me just interject at this point to say that in no way do I condone children swearing and in general do not find it funny – but really- when your child says a minor swear word and executes it so perfectly, it just takes you by surprise and you have to have one of those hiding-your-laughter-because-it-is-wrong moments!} I was at such a loss for words that our conversation just ended. For lack of a better strategy I decided to accept the screams for the rest of the day and ponder over a better response for next time. After all, the screams were better than his alternative. Just another fine parenting day…
So this post doesn’t go photoless, I am including a photo from when we went to see Cinderella at the Children’s Theater on December 31st. Notice Abe’s new haircut and my cheeks getting chubbier…:)
I knew there was an end to it. I knew that it was just temporary. I knew I could not be so exhausted and sick and down forever.
And then one day in late-December I was walking into Chipotle and I was giddy. The kids and I were spending the day with some of our dear friends and I went on a Chipotle lunch run for my friend and I. And I was suddenly conscious of feeling joyful again. That moment is so clear in my head as I parked the car and walked in the snow to get our goodies.
The snow was falling so beautifully – what a blessing. I got to eat Chipotle for lunch – what a blessing. The kids were happily playing with their best friends and I got to hang out with one of mine for the day – what a blessing. I was not tired – what a blessing. I had survived my first trimester with a 2- and 3-year old and a major cold – what a blessing! Yes, I was giddy. As in giggling to myself while waiting in line and chatting with the people behind the counter and singing loudly to the radio my whole drive back to my friend’s house. My life was good.
But the funny thing is that my life was good the entire time and I knew that. I just couldn’t feel it. I didn’t have the mental and physical energy to feel my life. I was just surviving. And now I get to live again. To have the energy to play with my kids. To kiss my husband. To stay awake for life…At least until July when I am up feeding a newborn all night! Hum…I had better take full advantage of it while I can!
Part of “waking up” means that I get to work again (yea!). Since I am thinking of joy and friendship I wanted to post a couple images that go on that same theme from a wedding we shot on Saturday. Beautiful Jess was so joyful and giddy on her wedding day, and this moment she shared with her friend makes me smile…
Tuesday, November 24, 2009 Posted in Personal
The truth is that I have been avoiding you, my dear blog readers. Yes, I have.
You see, I like the truth and I am very open about myself, my life, and my feelings. When life is easy and good, this is easy and good. But when God gives you challenges it can be difficult to be so open.
And I was not sure if I wanted to be open here. With you. Because I don’t want you to have a bad impression of me. But in the end, it is not who I am to hide things. So here I go…
Several weeks ago I took the test that would change our family’s life. The little window said “pregnant” and removed all doubt about whether or not we were going to have a third child.
And this is where the story gets hard. Because I cried when I should have laughed. Because I got depressed when I should have been overjoyed. Because we were really, really, really happy with just two beautiful children. And I told myself over and over again about what a blessing from God this is. And I knew how many people there are in this world who would give anything to get pregnant. And I knew that I was carrying a baby that I needed to send good thoughts to. And logic told me all of these things were true. But my heart had not felt it. So I added guilt for the truth of my feelings to everything else.
And this truth {along with being quite sick for two weeks and pregnant-exhausted!} left me in a dark place. I did not like myself and thought that you might not like me for these feelings too. And I just could not face my blog for a moment. Until I collected my thoughts.
Then today I woke up feeling not as tired. I was not coughing as much. And I saw my baby for the first time.
And I fell in love.
The ultrasound showed its little legs and arms and it was moving around. At only two months pregnant, this tiny being inside me looked like a baby. And I knew that this was my child. My gift from God. Another joy in our life. And I felt happy. I felt connected and like I already have three kids. And like I know that it will be ok.
Falling in love is a funny thing. We cannot always control how it happens, and sometimes the road to get there is difficult. But when it happens, it is wonderful.
Now that you know my journey, I must tell you that I can honestly say I am thrilled to let you know that little baby Thompson will be born sometime in very early July!
That God is a funny guy…
by Jessie
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