I read so many books and blogs and websites and sometimes all the information was too much to process. I was so overwhelmed with conflicting opinions and people telling me something because they had their own motivations.

The more I dug, the better I wanted to become. I didn’t want to be the type of photographer who does cheap work and doesn’t care. I wanted to get better. I still want to get better.

I know that some of you are like me.

Yesterday my family and I were out enjoying the beautiful snow-melting weather when a woman approached us saying that she reads my blog. {I was beyond flattered!} After some chatting I learned that she herself loves photography and strives to improve her skills. As I love tech talk and helping people, we decided to set up a time to have a play date with our kids and talk shop.

And I decided to do something on my blog that I have thought of for a long time. I decided that I want to start talking shop with you too. Not because I am better than any of you. Not because I have all the right answers. Not because I am so wise that the world would be missing something if I did not post these blogs.

Just because it might help someone out there. Just because I enjoy sharing what I have learned.

So, my next shop talk blog post will be about never putting your camera away until the very end. Not simply the end – but the VERY end. You will see what I mean…

My mom always told me that everything was better when I was there. That experiences were more fun and that she enjoyed herself more. That I brought something to the atmosphere like no one else could do in her world. She always made me feel so good about myself.

And then yesterday, Bella, Luke, and I played cards. Bella has recently learned Old Maid and Crazy Eights and Go Fish. Coming from a family whose core includes playing games, it melts my heart to see how much Bella loves to play. As we played, Bella kept cracking Luke and I up. She is wonderfully expressive, and the way she would squeal when someone took took the old maid from her or when she had just the right card to play, made Luke and I laugh so hard. She got excited about everything. She laughed hard. She played well. She was kind.

After I finally stopped laughing at one of her squeals, it came out naturally. “Bella, you make everything so much fun. It is always so much more fun when you are around.” And then I actually heard myself. I heard my mom in myself. And I remembered how my mom made me feel. But in that moment I was also aware of how my mom must have felt. I had to take a pause to feel this. To feel how much I adore this treasure of a child. How amazing I think she is. How terribly proud of her I am. How my life is 1000 times better with her in it. How she makes me laugh. How she teaches me new things. How she helps me know my mom better even five and a half years after her death.

I could go on and on here about how I adore Bella. When I asked God for a daughter, I never imagined that He would bless me with one so great. My life with her is better than I ever knew could exist. And on January 30th, she turned four. In the week before her birthday, out of the blue she would squeal and clap and shout “I am going to be four!” Oh to be excited about getting older!

At one of her three recent birthday celebrations, she received cowgirl boots. As grandma Lisa and I were sitting on the couch visiting, Bella was enjoying her new boots. Once she noticed me taking her picture, she came alive with a variety of unprompted poses. All these photos were taken within a minute and ten seconds of each other! She is a natural…

Grandma Lisa arrived with a party hat she made for Bella as well as a Tinkerbell cake and fairy wings. She knows how to bring a party!

We have a local favorite place to go called Stabby’s Cafe (awesome breakfasts!), and we went there for a birthday breakfast. Bella and Abe were both sick and tired and it was not what we had hoped for, but fun nonetheless. Abe did not want to cooperate for the camera, and two seconds after I took the shot of him creating a fork/glass tower, he flung his fork across the table and spilled Bella’s entire glass of juice everywhere, making us the restaurant favorites. This parenting thing is a piece of cake…

Our final party of the weekend and Bella requested a princess cake (of course!)…

I know it is a lot of images of my Bella, but sometimes I have just got to be an over-proud mom who wants to show off her kids! Thanks for hanging in there with me.:)

Something a little deeper happened for me when I was editing Owen and Elijah’s images. Owen is just three and a toehead like my little Abe. When I was editing images of him there were times that I felt like I was looking at my own son. His little ear. His blond hair. His cute feet. The furrowed brow. Having a little boy is one of the greatest gifts God can give a mother, and to be so close to Owen’s images really made my heart tug about my own little gift from God.

And then there is Elijah. In six months I will have a little newborn too, and it was so fun for me to dream about snuggling and kissing my new baby, and since it is someone else’s newborn I can be in denial about all the bits about being up all night and getting spit up on all the time!

I did a couple 20×20 collection prints for their parents to look at and I love how they came together! My, what beautiful children…

When it was time to go, we all said our goodbyes and gave hugs and then went our separate ways. And I came home and was swamped with work and forgot all about the images from that party. Yes, they say that your memory is the first to go.

Then for some reason, last night out of the blue I remembered that I took photos at that party and never saw them again. This morning I frantically found all my old memory cards and one by one looked at the images they contained until, finally, I found the images from our party {whew!}.

I feel in love with two of the images of my niece, Madison, so I thought that I would quickly share them with you.

More posts {and my cool story!} to come soon…

I have yet to get a really good updated image of my own family {where does the time go?}! At the party, I asked someone to take a photo of us, and sadly, this was the best of the bunch {To no fault of the photographer}!

At least I got a cute one of Luke and Bella…

I have known Brian for a while. Actually, he was my professor when I went to the U of MN to finish my degree. {Before you find yourself doing calculations, I was an older student and he was a young professor which made us about the same age.} We developed a friendship filled with mutual respect.

And then there I was, photographing his engagement session to Jessica. And their love was so true and joyful that I had to stop for a moment because inside I was incredibly happy for my friend.

Happy that they share true-love laughter often. Happy that Jessica looks at him with the most beautiful googly-eyes I have ever seen. Happy that I got to spy on their private moments and that they are wonderful. Brian and Jess are companions and friends and really two of the nicest people I have ever met. They are considerate and intuitive and kind and smart. And madly in love. And it shows.

It was a joy to photograph them alone, and with Brian’s son, Gavin {who, by the way, is three days younger than my Bella!}. They are an exceptional family and I am so excited to photograph their wedding in January!

A special thanks to Brain and Jess for braving the cold. We made a perfect plan in the summer to do a fall shoot with the beautiful leaves. We had no idea that it would snow so early this year and be in the 30s during their shoot. I do not know how they managed to look so happy and comfortable while shivering. I guess that’s what love does to you…

How could we resist cupcakes at Cupcake? We had so much fun and I am pretty sure that Gavin will only want to go there with me in the future as I was encouraging him to eat more and put frosting on his nose! If only my kids were so lucky.:)

I just want to say one more thing…Gavin is one of the nicest little boys I have ever met. To use Jess’s words, he is very disarming. He made me feel so welcome, and even though I was behind the camera, he insisted on me being a part of the cupcake-sharing rituals too. He is definitely a special and much-loved little boy and I cannot wait to see him again in January!

I know that all you non-Minnesotans think that it snows here all the time, and today, you would be right. However there are many a Christmases where we are all praying for a little snow.

I think it makes it easier to accept this year’s early snow since it is supposed to get back to normal (temps in the 60s) this weekend. Yes, I love the snow but am not quite ready for it to hang around…

Here are a couple shots I had to take to show proof of snow!

{One small note: Many parents comment that they wish that they could take images of their kids like I can. I have a little secret…I can’t take photos of my kids like I can either! One of the most difficult things to photograph is your own children. When I photograph other people’s kids, they think that I am new and interesting. They fall for all my same old tricks. They are not used to my camera in their face. It’s wonderful. My kids know all of my tricks and are soooooo tired of the camera in their faces. Bella is now in the phase where she either does everything she can to avoid me or gives me a funny or fake face. I guess I will just have to work that much harder!}

You see, my son has been ever-so-attached to rabbit for a long time now. He doesn’t need rabbit. After asking for rabbit and being told that he was lost, Abe still slept just fine last night without him. No, he loves rabbit. He hugs him and sleeps with him and kisses him and laughs and giggles whenever he sees rabbit. He gives him giant squeeze hugs and sometimes, when he doesn’t know I am listening, I hear him tell rabbit that he loves him. Now do you see why I was crying?

We have narrowed it down to rabbit falling off of the stroller when we walked all around downtown St. Paul yesterday. So this morning the kids and I went back to St. Paul and wandered the streets looking for rabbit. I even talked with the parking meter guy who said that he sees all city workers during the day and would ask everyone if they saw a stuffed rabbit. If he wasn’t such a nice guy I would have thought that I would become the butt of his jokes for the rest of the day {I would be known as The Crazy Rabbit Lady by all the city of St. Paul workers}, but he really seemed to take on our cause. Or I should actually say my cause. Because although when I told Abe that we were going to look for rabbit he got excited and said “Thank you very much!,” he hasn’t asked for rabbit since. He has not cried about it. He didn’t have dreams about rabbit all alone last night. His heart doesn’t seem to ache at the thought that we will never see rabbit again. That seems to be all me.

But who knows what our little ones really think and feel. I believe that they feel more than they are able to show. They are little people too, who laugh and cry and love and miss. So I just found a replica {or so I hope!} of rabbit online and couldn’t give them my credit card number fast enough.

I know that it will probably not be the same when Abe sees his new friend. I have made a promise to never to lie to my kids, so he will know that this is a different rabbit. Even if he doesn’t like the new replica of Rabbit, at least I will feel like I did what I could. And isn’t that all we moms can do sometimes?

I thought I would share some of the images I took during our St. Paul walk. This parking garage was perfect! Notice rabbit in one of the shots. Poor rabbit must miss Abe.

{By the way, I know that Abe needs a haircut. I keep waiting to set up a cool “first haircut shoot,” but haven’t had the time so his hair just keeps getting longer and longer. It is getting to the point of us just getting out the kitchen scissors and doing it myself one of these days. Does everything in my life need to be the perfect photo shoot?}

When I originally posted this blog I forgot to include this first image of Abe and I. As I was laying on the ground taking photographs of the kids, Abe decided that he was done with the shoot. He ran to me, threw himself and rabbit on my back and snuggled in. Laughing, I handed the camera to Luke to get this shot.

]]> http://www.joyfulgirlphotography.com/blog/archives/668/feed 8 http://www.joyfulgirlphotography.com/blog/archives/533 http://www.joyfulgirlphotography.com/blog/archives/533#comments Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:50:35 +0000 Jessie http://www.joyfulgirlphotography.com/blog/?p=533 She carried her vacuum to my front door and she was beautiful. Her skin. Her curly red hair. Her smile. All wonderful. And she was coming to save me.

Danyel had just started her cleaning business not long ago, and through our conversation I could tell that she loved cleaning, but still could not get used to seeing herself in this “cleaning lady” role. It felt like she just wasn’t seeing the big picture.

I was having a rough week last week and I know you can all relate to my story. I was overwhelmed with my job, my kids (who are home with me full-time – yes, you try to get any work done with a two- and three-year old around!), and trying to maintain a sane house on top of everything else. I felt like I was a bad mother and a horrible house-keeper. Those two things were coming second and third to my client shoots and meetings and photo edits. I felt so bad about myself.

I had two options:

1. Keep going as I was and start saving money every month for an adult therapy fund for my children.

2. Get help now.

I started calling babysitters for regular babysitting/daycare and not just on an as-needed basis. It was time to give myself this consistent break so I can work more efficiently and have more fun-time with my kids.

And then I called Danyel. And she agreed to come clean my house on short-notice, just in time for my final two client meetings of the week. And I took a deep breath. And again. You see, it wasn’t just about the clean toilet I was going to have.

It was about one more three-hour task that I could cross off my list. It was about being able to spend that time getting my work done rather than cleaning so I can spend more time with my kids. It was about having a presentable place to invite my clients so I could feel more relaxed. It was about my sanity. It was about feeling good about myself again.

Yes, she carried in her vacuum, and yes, she cleaned my toilet. But what she was really giving me was a bit of myself back.

And I believe that all of our jobs work in the same way. Yes, I take pictures. That’s the technical bit. But really, I give people memories. I give them images of their lives that they can have for a lifetime. I help them to stop and think for a moment. About their love. About what makes them happy. That is the big picture of my world and I feel blessed to have this life as a photographer.

What is the big picture of your world? I bet that it is about more than just the clean toilet too.

Because I am a photographer, here is a little image of cute Freya…

Then there is the flip side. When you do what you love, you can never really take a vacation. You kind of miss your work. It is such a part of you. Darn those passions!

So I was on one of those vacations at my in-laws’ cabin for the 4th of July. And I met Eavie. She and I took one look at each other and smiled…a photo shoot was inevitable!

Eavie is seven months old. She is incredibly beautiful. She was wearing the cutest little plaid shirt. And she could not stop smiling and giggling at me. Really smiling. Really. And when Eavie smiles, her entire face smiles. Her eyes smile. Her cheeks and mouth, and even her nose, smiles. She really was too cute. The weather was perfect. And my camera was right next to me as of course I was taking photos of my family from the day. With the exception of me being in my swimsuit, it was perfect! How could we not have a spontaneous mini-session right then and there?

During our time together (a whole 15 minutes!), I learned that Eavie recently had her portraits taken. Her mom took her to an unnamed studio (of which there is one in your town no doubt) and had a terrible time. The man taking the portraits was in her face right away and made her cry for most of the session. There was only one shot from the session that where Eavie was kind of not crying. It was not a good experience. 

So you can imagine how thrilled I was to have this beautiful little girl smiling at me, begging for a photo session! Her daddy’s birthday is in July and he deserves a fun photograph of his baby girl. I sure hope they like the images!

Here are a few of my favorites…

The next day they came over to say goodbye, and Eavie was in the cutest little dress for the 4th…and two cabins down there was a blue cabin and, well, I couldn’t resist again! She is the prettiest little girl!

I couldn’t resist making one of my new client favorites with some of Eavie’s images. How fun would it be to have one 20×20 print like this for every year of your child’s life?! I have visions of a hallway full of these from the years and some day when the kids are grown you can just walk down the hallway and see your kids grow up again before your eyes. I get misty-eyed just thinking about it.

CONFESSION! Yes, Eavie liked me. But she really loved my little Bella, who managed to bring out the best in her. Eavie’s face lit up for Bella and it was so fun to see. Apparently during the little shoot, Bella was by my side the entire time, mimicking me. My husband said it was the cutest thing. I get a little “in the zone” during shoots so I have to admit that I wasn’t paying too much attention to Bella, but I did manage to get one shot of her acting like a little photographer. She is using her play cell phone as a camera. And since this was a spontaneous shoot near the lake, Bella is in her skivvies after swimming for a while. I am completely touched by her mimicking me. How I love that little girl…