The Truth.

The truth is that I have been avoiding you, my dear blog readers. Yes, I have.

You see, I like the truth and I am very open about myself, my life, and my feelings. When life is easy and good, this is easy and good. But when God gives you challenges it can be difficult to be so open.

And I was not sure if I wanted to be open here. With you. Because I don’t want you to have a bad impression of me. But in the end, it is not who I am to hide things. So here I go…

Several weeks ago I took the test that would change our family’s life. The little window said “pregnant” and removed all doubt about whether or not we were going to have a third child.

And this is where the story gets hard. Because I cried when I should have laughed. Because I got depressed when I should have been overjoyed. Because we were really, really, really happy with just two beautiful children. And I told myself over and over again about what a blessing from God this is. And I knew how many people there are in this world who would give anything to get pregnant. And I knew that I was carrying a baby that I needed to send good thoughts to. And logic told me all of these things were true. But my heart had not felt it. So I added guilt for the truth of my feelings to everything else.

And this truth {along with being quite sick for two weeks and pregnant-exhausted!} left me in a dark place. I did not like myself and thought that you might not like me for these feelings too. And I just could not face my blog for a moment. Until I collected my thoughts.

Then today I woke up feeling not as tired. I was not coughing as much. And I saw my baby for the first time.

And I fell in love.

The ultrasound showed its little legs and arms and it was moving around. At only two months pregnant, this tiny being inside me looked like a baby. And I knew that this was my child. My gift from God. Another joy in our life. And I felt happy. I felt connected and like I already have three kids. And like I know that it will be ok.

Falling in love is a funny thing. We cannot always control how it happens, and sometimes the road to get there is difficult. But when it happens, it is wonderful.

Now that you know my journey, I must tell you that I can honestly say I am thrilled to let you know that little baby Thompson will be born sometime in very early July!

That God is a funny guy…